Resolving interpersonal conflicts

Imagine this; two good friends of 3 years nearly came into nothing because of a stupid mistake. What could have happened? Emotional intelligence would definitely be the answer.

James and Xavier were good friends in college and they had known each other since first day of school. They have been buddies ever since and kept in contact even after graduation. They would talk about anything under the sun and would usually tease each other just for fun. Both were recruited into big companies and their future looked bright.

James soon realized that working in a big company could get really stressful and competitive. However, he seldom confides in Xavier. When James was retrenched, he felt depressed and lost. He decided to meet Xavier for a drink hoping to find comfort in his friend. Instead, Xavier mocked James.

Xavier was actually worried about James but Xavier just couldn’t bring himself to display his softer side to console his buddy. To Xavier, the usual mocking and teasing was his way to cheer James. He even passed sarcastic remarks thinking that James would not be affected by it.

This angered James, who then retaliated and punched Xavier, while hurling vulgarities at him. Xavier then realised he had angered his friend. Due to pride, Xavier resisted apologizing immediately. This led to both friends not communicating, till Xavier apologized. Everything seemed alright between them. But would it assure such problems from happening again?

The problem between James and Xavier came about because; they could not handle their emotions. James found it hard to express himself and always felt pessimistic about others, while Xavier speaks without thinking. His action had unintentionally offended James.

How could this have been prevented?

How do you think James could have handled his emotions effectively?

Do you think Xavier was right to mock James of his mishap? Could he find a better method to cheer James up?

This is what could have been done:

Firstly, James should have talked to Xavier about his problems at work or sought advice from his friends. All James needed was someone to listen to him vent his frustrations.

Secondly, James should learn to control his emotions when things turn out unexpected. He should have known that he would react badly when under stress and when he’s not feeling very well. He should have stayed calm and think logically. Would violence have resolved this conflict?

Thirdly, Xavier should apologize upon realizing his mistakes. He should be responsible for his own actions. Xavier should have put himself in James’ shoes before mocking him. Would he feel good being mocked by his close buddy instead of being consoled? Would he have liked the experience of being retrenched? Xavier should think before making those comments and be responsible for what he had said. I believe that James would have forgiven Xavier should he have apologized to him right after hurting him. Likewise, James should also apologized for punching Xavier.

Lastly, Xavier should reflect on his own behavior. Was he there when his buddy needed him? Was he right to mock his buddy, James? Did he make an effort to console James? Xavier must realize that nobody’s perfect and he should have look on some areas for improvement, to make himself a better person, and friend.

In conclusion, Emotional Intelligence is actually a very important aspect in one’s success in life. By controlling our emotions and think before we act, we could minimize conflicts and attain self improvement which is essential in achieving our goals in life. It also helps us stay focused and remain hopeful during challenging times. We should know ourselves by increasing self awareness, choose ourselves by building self management and give ourselves by developing self direction.

Do feel free to give better suggestions.:)